This movie, this terrible mistake, this thing called “Closer,” is actually quite popular in some circles. I don't know what to make of that, except to say that if anyone thinks this is how real people actually act in the real world, I'm not sure I want to know about it.

What's my beef with this movie? It's a bunch of bored yuppies, people so privileged they have no idea how privileged they really are, engaging in a series of enormously destructive extramarital affairs out of a combination of sheer boredom and a confused sense of obligation over a period of years, while occasionally sipping wine and nibbling cheese at art openings.

What is this obsession the upper middle class has with infidelity? Why do they seem to think it's an artistically compelling topic in the absence of any of the other qualities that make a story engaging? Why are these repulsive and boring people, who hurt each other terribly for no real reason, seen as “intense” and “passionate”? What, in other words, is this movie trying to sell me?

Do I believe there are real people who treat each other with as much callous selfishness as the characters in this movie? Yes, I do. Do I believe any of them do so for motivations remotely like the motivations I am being asked to accept here? No, I do not. These characters are nothing like real human beings. They are just the empty, ghost-like creations of a jaded bad writer.