Five Summer Movies That Probably Won't Suck

Five Summer Movies That Probably Won't Suck

No Spoilers and No Guarantees

     As I see the trailer-parade of summer movie season I always get a little weepy. I look forward to the summer months for two reasons: 1) I don't work and 2) movies. The movie lineups over the summer months are filled with big-budget violence, sex, and potty humour with just enough nice inedependent films on complicated personal matters to get the brain working and let the eyes rest. Looking at this summer's lineup proves to be more of the same, with a promising buffet of big-ass blockbuster blow-outs, new-big-name comedies, and art-house film-festival byproduct. Here are my 5 picks for "Most Likely Not to Suck", in order of release.

     1) The Hangover II, releasing May 26th, is the sequel (see: clone) of the first movie but transplanted in Thailand. The same cast perpetuates their idiotic misadventures, with a couple of additions. The hilariously thuggish and androgynous Mr. Chow is back (Ken Jeong), and a tattoo artist (played by Liam Neeson) is reportedly a pivotal character, according to sources of Movie Center. The tattoo, by the way, has given the movie a little extra notoriety by Tyson's tattoo artist, who is reportedly suing the producers of the movie for copying his template. Whatever. The movie promises to be just as hilarious as the first, and even if they reuse every comedic bit from the first film, I'll still consider it worth the ticket.

     2) Super 8, releasing June 10th. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. Why didn't Xmen: First Class make the cut? Well, I've seen the first prequel, and its spin-off, and although I was a Marvel comic nut as a kid I'm over the franchise. Anyway, J.J. Abrams rarely disappoints and it's produced by Steven Spielberg, so you can expert some extraordinary effects. (The guy never got it right with the Jaws shark and has been trying to make up for it since!) The story of an Air Force coverup after train crash in a small town where people start disappearing. You can't ask for more than that! Hell, Stephen King made an entire career out strange things going down in small towns. Why? Because it never gets old. With the premise, the producer, and the writer all creating a trifecta of good 'ole big-budget sci-fi horror this film is sure to please.

     3) Cowboys and Aliens, releasing July 29th. This movie could make it on its cast's credentials alone. Directed by Jon Favreau, and sporting Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, and Sam Rockwell; Cowboys and Aliens is a big-hit blockbuster action film that's going to deliver in spite of (or maybe thanks to) its name. Craig plays a hero with a mysterious iBracelet found in a dusty southerwestern town in the 19th century. Of course, things start to get really interesting when the UFO's arrive. Favreau is responsible for both Iron Mans as well as the big-budget kid flick, Zathura. This film promises to be a big action hit.

     4) The Future, also releasing July 29th. Although it releases on the same day, The Future could not be more different from Cowboys and Aliens. The Future is about a young couple that nonetheless seems to be dealing with aging together, those inevitable conversations that couples have after the honeymoon period and the magic has started to fade. They adopt a cat from the shelter, which narrates the film. Watching the trailer there's some great off-kilter comedy (Director and actress Miranda July also directed Me and You and Everyone We Know). The only drawback is the narrator's voice (the cat) is creepy as hell.

     5) Thirty Minutes or Less, releases August 12th. This movie promises to deliver epic laughs with promising idiot-induced comedy. Jesse Eisenberg, Aziz Ansari, Nick Swardson, and Danny McBride are all up-and-coming (or up-and-arrived) comic powerhouses and is directed by Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland). The story follows a hapless pizza delivery boy (Eisenberg) who is manipulated into helping two wanna-be criminal masterminds (Swardson and McBride) into robbing a bank. Not a whole lot of evidence to go on yet (not even a trailer), but on cast and precedent alone, I think this movie's going to be worth the ticket.