Yesterday my family and I went to Pirate Day at the library, where we made a fun pirate hat and belt. Afterward, we got cozy and ready to watch Pirates! Band of Misfits! We had all three been excited about this day for weeks, especially since we had not yet seen the film and we are all three big Wallace and Gromit fans. I am sad to report, however, that I didn’t laugh once—and I had to stubbornly fight sleep the whole time.
To be fair, I had not slept the night before; my husband was in pain from a kidney stone and I was up with him. But if it had been a diverting movie, I am sure I would have been at the very least moved to remain awake. Instead, I fluctuated between irritation and boredom.
The sad thing is that the movie was full of interesting characters that could have been developed; they simply weren’t developed. One character was even a woman pirate whom none of the men suspected was female (neither did I, to tell you the truth, until the end). The other women in the movie were mere caricatures—a “shrew,” or Queen Victoria, who hated pirates, and a “sexpot,” voiced by Salma Hayek. Go figure that they couldn’t make women without these overused tropes, or a decent female pirate without being A. hidden or B. a sex object. Insert eye roll here. The male pirates were also interesting and would have been funny if given a chance. Sadly, poor dialogue and general writing left that out.
The whole room was full of viewers, and I think I heard one adult laugh. No kids laughed at all. My husband and I kept tiredly looking at each other, begging for the movie to end. My daughter was in the floor making new friends, so at least there was that—but otherwise it was the clock and me, the film in the background like an annoying neighbor’s early weekend morning yardwork.
Skip this one. For the love of Pete, skip it. Rent a Wallace and Gromit instead, even if you’ve already seen it. It’s bound to be better than this! I think I liked Chicken Run better too, although I also fell asleep during that one. I am a claymation fiend, but only if there’s a good story. If there’s no good story, then why bother staying awake for the crappy one you’re watching anyway?